partybarackisinthehousetonight:

i can’t believe this, i thought what we had was special. you met my family and made me dinner. now all of a sudden you claim you’re a “waiter” and you’re just “doing your job”

thespookyastabater:

a kiss makes ur day but anal sex makes your hole weak 

internetexplorers:

made rebloggable by request

wolf-cub:

i wish someone would put $20,000 in my bank account every month and all i’d have to do is hang out with them

thats-slightly-raven:

My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard. GRAVEyard hahaha enjoy that cyanide milkshake you piece of shit.

tomfletcherscats:

my kids arent going to have bunkbeds they’re going to have punkbeds because i’ll be a hardcore mom

puppetcams:

The year is 2540, a student in history class notices something off about his textbook. “How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?” The teacher puts his air-marker down on the table, lowers his head, and sighs. “Because…” he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, “… only 90’s kids remember the 90’s!”